Something has been on my mind that affects everyone, has not been truly addressed by anyone, is assumed to be the job of someone, but should be resolved by each one.  This is the current state of our public debate and even personal debates.  It does not matter who we think is inciting it, how clearly they seem to be pushing it, or how big the problem seems to be; we can, and must, all take part in solving it.

Conversely (does linking count as advertising?) to the size of the problem, the steps to solving it can be begun in a very small way on a daily basis.  It begins with how we speak and respond to overblown rhetoric.  It also involves our attitude towards how others speak to us and about things that are important to us.  Let me give you a personal and very recent example.  Facebook, is a great place for social networking, but it can be full of pitfalls when one have a wide variety of friends and family members on it.  My paternal Grandmother is on my page and has one of her own.  She is an Evangelical Christian and I am an Atheist (et. all applicable labels) I shared a comment about resurrection that was to occur on Sat. the 3rd of April that started off sounding religious, but was really about Dr. Who.  (because I am a major geek for the Doctor)  She had a reply, but promptly removed it once she noticed the joke and the thread about it because she is not a Whovian it was not immediately apparent.  Her page posted a comment questioning whether or not Atheists could get home owners coverage for ‘acts of God’ my response was simply “Country and State Farm say yes” with a wink and a smile.  We have continued with these back and forth barbs on occasion, but we also are sure to reassert that we love each-other on a regular enough basis.  She also managed remind me at our recent family reunion just how funny she is on a totally different subject.   While we have both gone out of our way to ensure that the light manner is fairly clear, we also both make the choice not to take these things personally or as insults, because everyone has that choice.

Sometimes it can be more serious.  Talking with an African-American co-worker I asked her how she handled the result of racial slurs with her children because my light skin ensured this was not part of my childhood.  Her statement was simple and something I had already applied to my life: “I asked my boys is that who you think you are?”  and she further stated (more or less) “When you make sure children know who they are, they can easily deflect names”.  Because it was something I felt was out of my reach I almost gave the game away to others; but at the end of the day, it is every persons’ responsibility to define himself or herself therefore, we can also decide how to respond to someone else and not let them drive our responses.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe that language is very important and the words we use can have an impact.  If ever there was a doubt one only needs to look at those who either murder doctors for performing abortions or terrorize scientists for doing lab tests, to see that language can be used to create an atmosphere that leads to such unacceptable acts.  Furthermore, the moral cowardice that prevents strong and quick responses to these behaviors by more people in leadership further fuels the idea that these acts are acceptable.  Our elected leader can not even have a joint press conference to stand together against violence and these are supposed to be the best of us.

While it would be easy to blame the right side of the aisle right now, and believe me I would not claim they are innocent, we can not forget that the left side was pretty silent when liberals were calling Bush Hitler.  This is just not useful behavior, no matter what one will recognize as his failings, or Obama’s for that matter, this type of over the type, too often used comparison only serves to water down our debate and hid the actual issues that caused the anger.

This is why it is more important than ever that every person takes time to think before speaking and breathe before reacting (which is not the same as responding).  We can make an impact by both changing how we enter into debates, including the language we use, and by choosing not to react to incendiary language.  We may even decide sometimes it is better to just walk away.  We can stand up to those ‘on our side’, whichever side of you that is, of the debate when they are not debating issues, but are engaging in ad hominem attacks.  We can continue to insert the call for calm fact based debate into conversations and look to see the value in both arguments when we see it getting out of control.

There will always be those who choose to live in an echo chamber, but we do not have to use that as an excuse to set up our own or write them off as unreachable, people can surprise you when you least expect it.  At the end of the day it is about remembering that people are usually acting on the belief that they are doing the right thing and there are things, somewhere, on which we can agree; which is a starting point for working out our differences.